The
best way of getting what you want is thinking about your request before you
actually make it. The big reason many people fail to get
what they want is that they are too afraid to ask or they view their requests
as all-or-nothing gambits—instead of a series of negotiations
and compromises.
1. Tell yourself there is nothing to fear
except fear itself.
Fear of
punishment or rejection is why most people hesitate to ask for what they
want. They
are afraid that going out on an
emotional limb will result in humiliation if they fail.
Strategy: Before making your request, take plenty of time
to remind yourself of the importance of what you are asking for. Tell yourself
the only thing that matters is whether or not you are making good and
well-articulated points. By focusing on the merits of your request, not on how
you will appear to others, many of your initial fears will fade away.
2. Before you try to sell others, sell
yourself.
Two of
the most important elements involved in asking for what you want—and-getting
it—are self-confidence and determination. Unless you believe in your
heart that you will eventually win over the other side, you will likely falter
or become troubled at the first sign of resistance.
Strategy: An extreme emotional reaction to any hurdle will
almost certainly doom your mission, causing the other side to take you and your
points less seriously.
Tell
yourself from the outset that you may not immediately get what you want. The
statement is not the same as saying that you will never succeed, which could
hurt your morale and determination. Instead, you are merely facing
reality—accepting the fact that you
may face a setback. By acknowledging
this possibility, you will not be surprised or upset if you are turned down.
3. Organize your thoughts.
You
can’t expect to get the results you want if the other side doesn’t understand
your request.
Strategy: Write out exactly what you want. Then redraft
your points until your reasoning is clear, ordered and can be easily related.
Practice in front of a mirror, or discuss the points with friends to be sure
they make sense and you didn’t leave anything out.
4. When you ask, ask from your heart.
Important
requests are always better received when those making them are passionate,
friendly, polite and firm. Such a stance is difficult to resist. It increases
your odds of success... or at least minimizes the chance that your personality
or attitude will sabotage your request.
Strategy: Ask in
an enthusiastic manner and
voice. Maintain steady eye contact to show that you mean business, but also
exhibit respect and admiration for the person to whom you are speaking. In
general, you stand a much better chance of getting what you want when you make
people feel at ease and show them that you are truly excited about what you are
requesting.
5. Prepare to deal with resistance.
Even if
you do everything right, you might still meet resistance. The person you are
asking might want to confer with someone else before he/she makes a final
decision... or he may want to table his answer, hoping that you’ll retreat from
your position once you have had some time to think about it... or he
might just say no.
Strategy: If someone resists or challenges your request,
be polite and gracious. Do not lose your temper or become discouraged. Instead
of seeing the other person’s resistance as a dead end, view it as part of a
continuing conversation. Translate every no into a next. Realize a no doesn’t mean stop—it simply means not yet.
6. Learn the art of saying thank you.
Whether
or not you get what you want, say thank you. Gratitude will leave the other person open to giving you
what you want—or more of what you want—sometime in the future.
Strategy: Say thank you directly to the person and follow
up with a written note. In some cases, flowers or a gift may be appropriate.
Learning
the art of expressing gratitude will force you to focus on the positive. It will
also keep you from holding a grudge, which is difficult to hide and only works
against you in the long run.
Giving clarification
Below
are some phrases that can be used to show that you are going to explain your
point again in a different way:
·
Let me put it
another way.
·
What I meant was…
/ What I mean is…
·
Look at it this
way…
·
No, my point is
that…
·
The point I’m
trying to make is…
·
Put it this way…
\
·
What I’m trying
to say is…
·
In other words…
·
That’s not
exactly what I said…
To illustrate a point or give examples:
·
Let me give you
an example.
·
For instance…
·
Let’s say that…
·
Take…
·
Like…
·
Just to give you
an idea…
Disagreeing:
- That’s not really how I see it.
- I’m not entirely convinced that you are right about that.
- I can’t say that I share your views on that.
- I can’t help thinking that things aren’t exactly as you say…
- That may be partly true, but…
- You might be right up to a point but…
- Well, actually / as a matter of fact…
- What I (still) don’t understand is…
images are taken from Google.
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